Roy Wood Jr- Cub Fan

Roy Wood Jr- Cub Fan


I do comedy on a stage, sometimes on @TheDailyShow. Proud FAMU grad reppin the 205. I might not be shit to you but my mama thinks I made it. #Cubs #Dolphins

359581 followers  •  5705 follow  •  Pacific Time (US & Canada)  •   http://www.roywoodjr.com

No slogan. No mascot. No commercial. No fancy signage. No celeb endorsement. No new flavors in 40 years. Still the underground king.

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When you steal the wallet before looking at who it belongs to.

Them boys headed to ya house and they got guns. Which uncle you calling to get you outta trouble?

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If it’s really love, you’ll give up the big TV

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Bout time for a 4th vaccine to come running to the ring like Summer Slam.

I guess you could say he...”pulled out”

You posted that vaccine card now all them vaccinated people you don’t really wanna hang with are hitting you up to go out. Shoulda kept ya mouth closed now you at socially distanced bowling on a Wednesday night

Real Hennessys of New York: “He drank me in one sitting. Then got in an argument w/ five people But it was only two people there. He fought all five. You supposed to drink me after dinner to help w/ digestion but I’m pretty sure he hadn’t ate all day.” Keith, 375ml Hells Kitchen

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When you been waiting 2 hours for a cut and a random dude walk right in and go straight to your barber’s chair

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Me, pulling up to the @SnowfallFX  Season 5 auditions to play a character in that Little Rock storyline.

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Lawyers offering pro bono services for arrested protestors. Minneapolis, Houston, New York, Atlanta, Los Angeles. I know there are far more doing the same thing in other cities please add them to this thread

In this instance, Impeachment is you and ya homegirls having all the evidence that ya man is cheating but to break up with him you gotta convince a jury of his frat brothers (who was there with him cheating) that your man is a cheater

If a black person tells you “You picked the right one today.” You in fact, did NOT pick the right one today.

That dog left Central Park and went straight to the Feds to give his statement

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They tried to suspended this child to teach her a lesson but all they did was free her up for 3 days of media rounds. ADVANTAGE: Student

Still the greatest of all the thrones.

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Never too early to teach your children the classics

Climate change fcked up R&B. It dont rain enough for men to be out singing in it no mo.

The President gets sworn in then gotta walk around all day cuz White House check-in ain’t til 3p.

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