Patton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt


AP Bio on NBC Thursdays at 8:30pm/7:30c ANNIHILATION streaming now on Netflix. IG: pattonoswalt

4772678 followers  •  4266 follow  •    •   https://t.co/P3o059JEer

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇GODDAMIT

I was fortunate enough to attend the #TedLasso  premiere tonight. Saw the first two episodes. Beyond phenomenal. The stuff they’re setting up is brilliant. Also @hanwaddingham  is a superhero. #believe 

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FINE it’s the Trump Vaccine. Two decades of mRNA research had nothing to do with it. The Pfizer vaccine developed prior to WaRp Speed by a Turkish immigrant in Germany meant zero. All Trump. Will THAT get you ignorant crybabies vaccinated? Trump Vaccine it is.

New @Harpers  with essays by Garret Keizer, Ann Patchett, @harikunzru  PLUS an article by @Bernstein ?!?!? Whooo! (*This has been today’s edition of “An Old Man Gets Excited About Things”)

Ha ha the new SUPERMAN vs LOBO has “anti-saver” idiots who are AGAINST Superman helping them.

Ugh. I did EVERYTHING I could to prevent this. But my 2022 show in SLC and my 4 shows in Florida in December have been canceled. Hopefully I will rebook them in the future.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 How do you even parody shit like this?

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Anne Frank spent 2 years hiding in an attic and we’ve been home for just over a month with Netflix, food delivery & video games and there are people risking viral death by storming state capital buildings & screaming, “Open Fuddruckers!”

This is not over. For we shall mount our righteous stand at Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Next to Fantasy Island Adult Books. Across the street from the Delaware Valley Cremation Center. Between the fire extinguisher and yellow hose. #MAGA 

When seat belts were first introduced in 1968, there were idiots who insisted they “infringed on their freedoms” and would physically cut them out of their cars. We make fun of those people now. Can you guess who we’ll be making fun of in 2072?

When the polio vaccine dropped in 1955 people lined up to get it, & we were 2 years away from artificial satellites. Now in 2021 we carry external world-brains in our pockets & there’s robots on Mars and idiots think the COVID vaccine is full of wizard poison.

Shut down his goddamn Twitter feed and throw him in motherfucking jail. NOW.

How...does ANYONE watch this and think this is a good leader? How many gears do you need to strip in your brain to reach that conclusion? Seriously.

I know I RT’d this earlier, but READ that second paragraph. Donald slowed testing of COVID-19 to keep the numbers low and help his re-election chances. That directly led to this chaos. HOW DOES THIS NOT IMMEDIATELY END HIS PRESIDENCY?

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I do very well on the dementia tests I constantly have to take, said the guy in charge of nukes.

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