Patton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt


AP Bio on NBC Thursdays at 8:30pm/7:30c ANNIHILATION streaming now on Netflix. IG: pattonoswalt

4559745 followers  •  3584 follow  •    •   https://t.co/P3o059JEer

Today’s @ssac2015  Short Story Advent Calendar is only 6 pages long but it haunted me like a doorstopper-sized novel. “Bridge-Walker” by Sarah Hall. Some people might think the final sentence is too cutesy but I thought it was a DOOZY. #ssac2019 

Dear @HamillHimself : please dm me about my “Propeller-Dick Jesus” movie concept.

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@WeRIntoSurvival  @IamTeriGamble “ @juliacmarcheseMary  Henry” in CARNIVAL OF SOULS; “Mary” and “Henry”, parents of the mutant baby in ERASERHEAD

The GORGEOUS poster that @hillelsmith ⁩ made for my Saturday, January 4th show in Honolulu (my first show of 2020!) is now on sale in his online store! ALL $$$$ goes to Hillel! Get one while you can!

Looked lookee! My 14-city “I LOVE EVERYTHING” tour presale is now LIVE! Go to and use the code “EVERYTHING” for discounts BEFORE tickets are on sale to the general public this Friday, 12/13 at 10am. See you there?!?

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E-mail from my mom to my brother and I, just now. BTW: she rules.

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These are just...shots of you. No first responders, no memorial. Just...you. Holy shit this is offensive.

Liberal arts college professor brutalizes Nazi, who has a permit. More alt-left indoctrination.

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Congrats to @SpeakerPelosi  for inventing the “fuck you” clap. #sotu 

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Dear people citing The Bible: It’s a cool book with some wonderful passages but it also has ghost sex & giants & super babies & demons. It’s why we don’t make laws based on Game of Thrones, My Little Pony or Legend of Zelda.

What I've learned so far tonight: America is WAAAAAAAAY more sexist than it is racist. And it's pretty fucking racist. #ElectionNight 

I want #NathanPhillips  to be the only name that's remembered from today's ugliness. Nathan Phillips. Not the horde of bland, frightened, forgettable kids who'll grow up to be bland, frightened, forgotten adult wastes. Nathan. Phillips.

Imagine being so hated that on the day you announce that the LEADER OF ISIS HAS BEEN KILLED ON YOUR ORDERS a stadium full of baseball fans still boos you.

National Suicide Hotline 1 800 273 8255 I’ve brushed up against this darkness and I know it’s a tempting exit but REACH OUT to ANYONE. Stay on this side of it — in the light and warmth. Where you get to try again, every day.

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