Patton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt


@Netflix special WE ALL SCREAM now streaming!!! MINOR THREATS from @DarkHorse out now! I like making stuff. IG: pattonoswalt Hive: pattonoswalt

4705857 followers  •  4568 follow  •    •   http://pattonoswalt.com

So, I’ve now seen @alyankovic ’s WEIRD *twice*, and I’m going to see it again on Thursday. It is one of the funniest films I’ve seen this year. THREAD

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Got to see #Weird  with a live audience, and they all went nuts. Invite friends over tomorrow and make a night of it. You won’t be disappointed.

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I hope when the definitive history of the 2016 election is written, they include this tweet, which I feel captured the anxiety of the moment with the quiet grace of a poet.

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Three years ago today. Narrated an episode of DRUNK HISTORY that was then never filmed. A bottle of Achentoshen and 1/2 a bottle of Lagavullin. 6 day hangover.

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I need your support in this #Grammy  runoff election. My opponents have all stated their commitment to blowing up the ocean. Call me crazy, but I think the ocean is important. Please vote. #ForTheFish 

🎶AaaOOOOOOO Werewolves of Georgia🎶

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Watching @CSPAN  right now is basically @Shudder  with gavels.

We desperately need a couple of boring years.

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Anne Frank spent 2 years hiding in an attic and we’ve been home for just over a month with Netflix, food delivery & video games and there are people risking viral death by storming state capital buildings & screaming, “Open Fuddruckers!”

Liberal arts college professor brutalizes Nazi, who has a permit. More alt-left indoctrination.

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We don’t need gun control. We just need to avoid churches, malls, supermarkets, mosques, concerts, synagogues, cinemas, parks, pre-schools, middle schools, high schools, college campuses, mass transportation, the outdoors in general… (1/513)

Dear people citing The Bible: It’s a cool book with some wonderful passages but it also has ghost sex & giants & super babies & demons. It’s why we don’t make laws based on Game of Thrones, My Little Pony or Legend of Zelda.

When seat belts were first introduced in 1968, there were idiots who insisted they “infringed on their freedoms” and would physically cut them out of their cars. We make fun of those people now. Can you guess who we’ll be making fun of in 2072?

National Suicide Hotline 1 800 273 8255 I’ve brushed up against this darkness and I know it’s a tempting exit but REACH OUT to ANYONE. Stay on this side of it — in the light and warmth. Where you get to try again, every day.

I want #NathanPhillips  to be the only name that's remembered from today's ugliness. Nathan Phillips. Not the horde of bland, frightened, forgettable kids who'll grow up to be bland, frightened, forgotten adult wastes. Nathan. Phillips.

Jeffrey Dahmer: I made an altar from the bones and genitalia that I didn't eat from my victims. NY Times reporter: Meet the Midwestern sex-postive locavore who adds a Goth twist to his arts and crafts!

When the polio vaccine dropped in 1955 people lined up to get it, & we were 2 years away from artificial satellites. Now in 2021 we carry external world-brains in our pockets & there’s robots on Mars and idiots think the COVID vaccine is full of wizard poison.

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