Patton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt


AP Bio on NBC Thursdays at 8:30pm/7:30c ANNIHILATION streaming now on Netflix. IG: pattonoswalt

4776709 followers  •  3995 follow  •    •   https://t.co/P3o059JEer

GODDAMIT Trump just added me on Friendster.

I want this new year to be better for EVERYONE. All of you. Every single one of you. Growth and joy and wisdom and connection. We gotta trudge forward together. Okay?

Shut down his goddamn Twitter feed and throw him in motherfucking jail. NOW.

Not to brag, but our new issue of MODOK hit the stands today and I’m particularly proud of this panel.

Oh my god I’m with @DannyZuker  right now and I swear to God he’s surrounded by lightning and Queen’s “Princes of the Universe” is blasting out of nowhere.

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Anne Frank spent 2 years hiding in an attic and we’ve been home for just over a month with Netflix, food delivery & video games and there are people risking viral death by storming state capital buildings & screaming, “Open Fuddruckers!”

These are just...shots of you. No first responders, no memorial. Just...you. Holy shit this is offensive.

This is not over. For we shall mount our righteous stand at Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Next to Fantasy Island Adult Books. Across the street from the Delaware Valley Cremation Center. Between the fire extinguisher and yellow hose. #MAGA 

When seat belts were first introduced in 1968, there were idiots who insisted they “infringed on their freedoms” and would physically cut them out of their cars. We make fun of those people now. Can you guess who we’ll be making fun of in 2072?

Liberal arts college professor brutalizes Nazi, who has a permit. More alt-left indoctrination.

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What I've learned so far tonight: America is WAAAAAAAAY more sexist than it is racist. And it's pretty fucking racist. #ElectionNight 

Dear people citing The Bible: It’s a cool book with some wonderful passages but it also has ghost sex & giants & super babies & demons. It’s why we don’t make laws based on Game of Thrones, My Little Pony or Legend of Zelda.

Congrats to @SpeakerPelosi  for inventing the “fuck you” clap. #sotu 

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