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BREAKING: Boris Johnson joins government briefing via Zoom.
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After a man is ridiculed online for using a live snake as a face mask, No 10 admits it was a mistake inviting Chris Grayling to a Cobra meeting.
BREAKING: Dido Harding locked out of house after failing to anticipate need for key to get back in.
Noddy Holder solves the financial crisis of 2008. #HIGNFY30
As the government imposes 10pm pub curfew, scientists say thank goodness it’s impossible for drinkers to get around this by say, going an hour earlier instead.
Michael Gove unveils his new ‘Kent permit’, complete with typo.
Vladimir Putin nominated for Nobel Peace Prize following tragic deaths of all other candidates.
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‘Brexit deal never made sense’ says man who negotiated it, signed it, prevented MPs from scrutinising it, campaigned for it and won a general election on the back of it:
MISSING: Have you seen this man? Last seen mumbling to cameras in the Westminster area. Please check sheds, garages and fridges.
‘It’s time to move on’ says government that’s worked harder to safeguard one man’s job in three days than it has to protect frontline workers and care home residents in three months.
BREAKING: British media reacts as death toll passes 30,000.
MPs offered an extra £10,000 each to work from home, coming as a great comfort to nurses wearing bin bags to protect themselves from coronavirus.
BREAKING: Vatican designates Barnard Castle a sacred site after thousands of blind pilgrims are miraculously cured over the past 24 hours.
‘Increasing A-level grades will mean a whole generation could end up promoted beyond their abilities’ says Minister for Irony.
BREAKING: Dominic Cummings press conference went ‘really well’ says Prince Andrew.
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