andy lassner

andy lassner

Executive Producer -- @theEllenShow -- Views expressed here do not reflect those of America's sweetheart Ellen DeGeneres. ALSO the @LAKings make me happy.

505379 followers  •  2391 follow  •  Pacific Time (US & Canada)  •  

There are people fully convinced that Trump will still be President on 1/20/2021 because of some magic he’s going to pull on January 6th. Totally convinced. It’s incredible to me that he keeps moving the goalposts for these people, and they fall for it hook, line and sinker.

Just count, certify and stop talking. For the love of god.

If you’re losing followers it’s because you were followed by the dangerous conspiracy theory accounts Twitter has been purging since the attack on the capitol. Accounts that helped plan it out in the open. It’s not complicated or mysterious.

Chuck Schumer needs to be as ruthless to help people as Mitch McConnell was to hurt them.

The hatred. The judgement. The anger. About everything. My god. We’ve been inside too long.

When your dog is sleeping on their back. With all their legs sticking straight up. The best.

Good luck trying to ever unsee this

East coast Twitter ready to overthrow the monarchy while west coast Twitter still has over two hours until we get to be furious.

Don’t invite Oprah to Thanksgiving unless you’re ready to break your family shit wide open


Reminder that Colin Kaepernick repeatedly tried to peacefully tell us every Sunday that we had a major, systemic problem.

Please don’t let #WeLoveYamiche  trend. This is not what Donald Trump wants to see when he checks Twitter. It’s disrespectfulso to him please don’t do it! And the last thing we need is for him to feel disliked and @Yamiche  to feel loved. #WeLoveYamiche 

Oh boy. Just got a message from @mattgaetz  who asked that we do everything possible to not have #MattGaetzIsAQuarantinedTool  become a trending hashtag. I promised we’d do our best. #MattGaetzIsAQuarantinedTool 

Maybe buy your regular amount of groceries and then everyone will be able to have their regular amount of groceries.

Bobby Ryan. Hockey player. Takes a leave in November to get treatment for alcoholism. Has been sober 100 days. His first game back with the @Senators  was tonight. He scores a hat trick (3 goals). This is him on the bench after his 3rd goal. Just wow.

This is Ahmaud Arbery. He was 25-years-old. He went jogging. A white man and his son, hunted him down and murdered him. Once again for those in the back, 25-years-old and exercising when two white men hunted him down like an animal and murdered him.

I don’t wear my mask as any type of political statement. I do it mostly because being on a ventilator doesn’t look so fun.