Let's take a moment to appreciate that we're waiting to find out if the winner of the election is going to win the election.

This time of year I love watching the states change color.

“And all the host laughed and wept...and their joy was like swords, and they passed in thought out to regions where pain and delight flow together and tears are the very wine of blessedness.”

To be fair, very few words are.

Just tried on an old pair of pants, and I refuse to accept the results. Widespread fraud.

Great news, Georgia! You’re voting again soon! Request your absentee ballot now to get it in time for the holidays. Because this year’s hottest gift is Representative Democracy! #BetterKnowABallot 

Evidently, Rudy's election fraud allegations aren’t the only thing he can’t make stick.

Happy birthday, @JoeBiden ! Today you may be 78, but in two months, you’ll be 46.

Remember: the president can pardon turkeys for federal crimes only. Corn and Cob can still be indicted by the Manhattan DA.

Telling your kids that Rudy Giuliani was once respected is like explaining that O.J. Simpson was once a football player.