Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert

the guy on CBS

18618193 followers  •  41 follow  •    •  

My favorite thing about fall in New York is seeing a rat wear another rat as a chunky scarf.

Starting a twitter feud with @chrissyteigen  is like trying to fight a hurricane with a sharpie.

Kinda spooky that Halloween has NEVER fallen on Friday the 13th.

I’m right with you, Brian. Long past time for the ReSegerance!

@JakePlunkett  You never saw my ‘77 powder blue Pinto. Too late now. One day in Chicago there was more than 2” of snow, it was towed off Addison. I removed the shifter knob, my dry cleaning and abandoned it at the impound on Lower Wacker Drive. Sweet ride. Bought it from my brother Bill for $1.

Tired: Joe Biden's face-off with Corn Pop. Wired: George Washington's naval battle with Cap'n Crunch.

Can't believe they made a Sexy Mr. Rogers costume when Mr. McFeely was RIGHT. THERE.


One thing I know for sure: no one on the right side of history has ever had to nitpick what the definition of “cage” is.

I am starting a petition for the Democrats to let @iamcardib  give the rebuttal to the SOTU. Sign it by retweeting this!

Welcome home, @RealDonaldTrump ! While you were gone we started actually punishing people for sexual harassment so, you know, heads up.

RIP Republican Health Care Bill. In lieu of flowers, please send new representatives to Congress in 2018.

I’m surprised the NRA was affiliated with car rental companies at all, considering Hertz and Avis enforce tyrannical rules like "age restrictions" and "having a license."

Repealing DACA in order to MAGA is a load of CACA.

Well then, let’s help with that marketing! Retweet this, y’all!

South Korean official response: “We are attempting to make sense of what, precisely, President Trump means.” Welcome to the fucking club.