Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert

the guy on CBS

19385025 followers  •  76 follow  •    •  

Hedge funds are complaining about losing billions on GameStop, which means it’s a good time to invest in whatever company makes the world’s tiniest violins.

It's so cold in New York this weekend, I think I might stay inside since last March.

If you’re looking for something good to watch this weekend, let me re-up this recommendation from last weekend. It’s very good.

Today in the Northeast feels like the movie “Frozen.” Mainly the part where Elsa isn’t allowed to leave her room for years.

It’s Fat Tuesday, so you know what tomorrow is: Fat Wednesday. It’s been a rough quarantine.

Tucker Carlson said Joe and Jill Biden's marriage is "as real as climate change." Because it's been around since the Carter administration, and it's only getting hotter?

I feel like someone should tell Daft Punk this is literally the worst time to hang up your masks.

I answered your vegan Americone Dream questions, with a special appearance from Benny! #InsideScoopWithStephen 

There's so much I admire about the French: their sophistication, their cinema, their willingness to prosecute former presidents.


One thing I know for sure: no one on the right side of history has ever had to nitpick what the definition of “cage” is.

No garbage collection today—because it’s MLK Day and because, this week, America’s taking out the trash on Wednesday.

I am starting a petition for the Democrats to let @iamcardib  give the rebuttal to the SOTU. Sign it by retweeting this!

The human body was not made to expend this much energy thinking about Pennsylvania.

The last two weeks have been a strange ten years.

It’ll be a shame if history allows one horrific event on this president’s watch to overshadow all the other horrific events on this president’s watch.

After these FBI arrests, just think of all the basements that moms will be able to redecorate.

Trump says he might not accept the 2020 election results. If he needs a recommendation, I have a great therapist who helped me accept the results of the 2016 election.

Happy birthday, @JoeBiden ! Today you may be 78, but in two months, you’ll be 46.