Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert

Evie’s husband

19314470 followers  •  49 follow  •    •  

Today’s EPA ruling on carbon emissions will help bring us closer to the Founder's vision for America: one without a Florida.

I sure hope Joe Manchin has room on his yacht for two of every species.

With climate change denial, it ain’t the heat, it's the stupidity.

Thrilled to be at Thule Air Base in northern Greenland, spending the whole day with Guardians and Airmen! Or maybe it’s the night? 24 hours of sun is freaking me out. #SemperSupra 

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For those who didn’t go to law school: a “special master” is just a regular master topped with with a mix of mayo, ketchup, and relish.

Darth Vader's voice will now be recreated by artificial intelligence. The computer that does it looks awesome, other than that small, unprotected vent leading straight to its core.

Hasn't he suffered enough slings and arrows?

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Just paid $6.95 to stay verified on Grubhub.

Selling this green check mark: ✅ $500 bucks or best offer.

Kari Lake is on the short list for the ex-president’s VP, but she might want to do a little research into why that gig’s available.


For those who insist Trump is a religious man, I'll grant you he pays taxes like a church.

The last two weeks have been a strange ten years.

There's so much I admire about the French: their sophistication, their cinema, their willingness to prosecute former presidents.

Elementary math under Betsy Devos Q: Ned and Sheryl each have 4 apples. Who has more apples? A: Whomever Mike Pence decides has more apples.

Happy birthday, @JoeBiden ! Today you may be 78, but in two months, you’ll be 46.

After these FBI arrests, just think of all the basements that moms will be able to redecorate.

Let's take a moment to appreciate that we're waiting to find out if the winner of the election is going to win the election.

Before you decide if the former president is responsible for the Capitol riots, remember that in America you’re innocent until proven guilty, then proven guilty again, then proven guilty again and they hold a hearing in primetime to show everyone how you’re really, really guilty.