Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert


the guy on CBS

19249026 followers  •  42 follow  •    •  

If this was on a CBS show, we’d have to blur it:

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In honor of Prime Day, don’t forget to pay no income tax.

@ArielDumas  @AMNHDo  you follow Geology Twitter? Gems and crystals galore. You have to put up with a little plate tectonics, but it’s worth it.

Kevin McCarthy’s latest pick for the Jan 6th commission:

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I don't remember this part of the song.

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If American democracy is ever really in danger, I'm sure God will send us a sign.

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Tell me you’re a liar without telling me you’re a liar.

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The worms in the new “Dune” look amazing.

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The last two weeks have been a strange ten years.

No garbage collection today—because it’s MLK Day and because, this week, America’s taking out the trash on Wednesday.

The human body was not made to expend this much energy thinking about Pennsylvania.

There's so much I admire about the French: their sophistication, their cinema, their willingness to prosecute former presidents.

Trump says he might not accept the 2020 election results. If he needs a recommendation, I have a great therapist who helped me accept the results of the 2016 election.

It’ll be a shame if history allows one horrific event on this president’s watch to overshadow all the other horrific events on this president’s watch.

Thank god it's Kamala! I was worried Biden was going to pick someone else who would have made me absolutely still vote for him no matter what.

Happy birthday, @JoeBiden ! Today you may be 78, but in two months, you’ll be 46.

After these FBI arrests, just think of all the basements that moms will be able to redecorate.

This time of year I love watching the states change color.

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