Very British Problems Books • Shirts • Board Game

3966131 followers  •  1 follow  •    •

“Have you seen the news?” “No, please don’t tell me, I’m trying to have a nice time.”

Life tip: Make a list of all the things you can easily put off doing for another day. Then spend the day eating biscuits.

The most subdued way to accept a delivery: “Ta” The most upbeat way to accept a delivery: “Alright, how’s it going? Ah, yeah, nice one! Cheers for that, all the best, see you later, take care yeah, bye, cheers mate” Brits will swing randomly between the two.

Try saying “good for you” without sounding sarcastic, bitter, jealous, annoyed or sad

Packing rule 1: The first person to say “now, you’re sure we’ve packed everything?” relinquishes themselves of any forgotten item blame.

Encountering an unexpectedly generous dispenser of very runny sanitiser, which deposits enough in your hand for an entire body wash.

Today is a day for roast potatoes. Now it’s been said it can’t be unsaid and must be so.

Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you've made a terrible, terrible mistake

KNOCK KNOCK! Who’s there? *Note appears through letterbox* “We tried to deliver your parcel...”


March is no longer a month, it has been reclassified as an era

Some handy safety tips if you’re considering going out socialising: 1. Don’t

"It didn't quite go as planned" - Translation: I may have caused irreversible damage on a monumental scale

How to really enjoy the rain: 1. Stand at the window (inside) 2. Put non-tea drinking hand on hip 3. Sip tea from mug 4. Mutter “look at that rain”, “it’s really coming down now” or “the garden needs it” 5. Say “good job we got the cushions/washing in” 6. Eat all the biscuits

More two-word horror stories: Eye contact Lunch meeting Surprise party Planned engineering Sing along Conference call Signal failure They’re here Team building Low carb Record highs Unexpected item You busy? Quick word Friend request Leg day Your parcel Tax return Happy birthday

If you’ve just entered a building without saying “bloody freezing out there”, you’ve done it wrong. Go out and do it again

Things that mean "no": -Yeah, could do -I'm easy really -Well, yes and no -We'll see -Maybe -If that's what you fancy -I'll see how I feel

Try saying these without sounding sarcastic: 1. That's great 2. Good for you 3. Have fun 4. Fascinating 5. Thanks for that 6. Well done you 7. Good luck with that 8. Sounds thrilling 9. What a shame 10. Wow

Phrases that mean nothing will happen: Leave it with me I’ll have a word I’ll see what I can find Consider it done I’ll make some calls I’ll think about it Certainly a possibility Let’s come back to that Good idea Maybe It’s on my list Might see you down there I’ll look into it

“No no, you keep in the middle of the path, it makes more sense that I fold myself into this hedge”