New VBP quiz book VBP books, tops, cards, calendars & contact: Buy me a tea:

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How to fix something: -Say "let's have a look" -Describe the brokenness -Break it a bit more -Say "nah it's broken" -Place hands on hips -Suggest someone come and have a look at it -Walk away shaking head

Well, it’s Monday again. Good luck, everyone. May hot drinks get you through the day.

Heart-sinking email subject lines: Can you explain this? Your monthly bill Stag/Hen Do! I'm running a 5k... Last night Busy? Some news Care to comment on this? Is/was this you? Your role Slight problem Restructuring Company policy Need a favour Urgent!! Bone to pick Got a sec?

Your email finds me curled up in a ball

You make tea exactly the same way every time, yet you never know if it’s going to be the best cup of tea you’ve ever had, the worst, or somewhere in between.

Another exhausting day of winging it. Well done, all.

Email translations: “I was under the impression” Translation: I’m furious “As per my email” Translation: I’m furious “With respect” Translation: I’m furious “Whilst I appreciate” Translation: I’m furious “As I’m sure you’re aware” Translation: I’m furious

Only 9 more hours until sofa and telly time.

Meanings of "hmm": I doubt it Not sure I suppose Good idea! Never thought of it like that Not listening Dubious I'll pretend I didn't hear that Stop talking Curious I disagree but never mind (You’re reading this saying “hmm” in all the different ways, aren’t you?)


Nobody in Britain can believe it’s Christmas next week

March is no longer a month, it has been reclassified as an era

More two-word horror stories: Eye contact Lunch meeting Surprise party Planned engineering Sing along Conference call Signal failure They’re here Team building Low carb Record highs Unexpected item You busy? Quick word Friend request Leg day Your parcel Tax return Happy birthday

A handy collection of awkwardness from the Very British Problems book

Britain currently can’t believe how dark it is

Handy #snowday  shopping list: -8,000 tea bags -Everything in canned goods aisle -All the bread -400 pints of milk -Enough booze to fill shed -50 Easter eggs -12kg of cheese -A whole trolley of crisps/sweets -One small bag of lettuce #uksnow 

Remember the days when water would just fall from the sky?

Read platform number Hear platform number Walk to that platform Re-read platform number Get on train at platform Worry you're on wrong train