Very British Problems Books • Shirts • Board Game

3918784 followers  •  1 follow  •    •

The British sentence that is never complete: “Excuse me, can I just… thanks”

Four-word horror stories: Tell us about yourself We're out of milk Knock at the door I’ll ring you now Forgetting about bin day Could you get that? Weekly screen time report You are on mute Bill ready to view One month till Christmas Are you busy now? Sorry we missed you

How a Brit gets in a car in winter: 1. Get seated and immediately rub hands together 2. Say “bloody hell it’s cold” 3. Turn heating to full 4. Drive with cold air blasting on your face for ten minutes 5. Say “it’ll be warmed up by the time we get there”

“Sorry I think a parcel was delivered here for me? Sorry, haha, sorry, thanks so much, sorry, thanks for that, cheers sorry”

tweet picture

"It didn't quite go as planned" - Translation: I may have caused irreversible damage on a monumental scale.

“You look tired” Good to know, thanks for that.

A few of the strange ways we end our emails ()

tweet picture

Phrases that mean nothing will happen: Leave it with me I’ll have a word I’ll see what I can find Consider it done I’ll make some calls I’ll think about it Certainly a possibility Let’s come back to that Good idea Maybe It’s on my list Might see you down there I’ll look into it


March is no longer a month, it has been reclassified as an era

Some handy safety tips if you’re considering going out socialising: 1. Don’t

How to really enjoy the rain: 1. Stand at the window (inside) 2. Put non-tea drinking hand on hip 3. Sip tea from mug 4. Mutter “look at that rain”, “it’s really coming down now” or “the garden needs it” 5. Say “good job we got the cushions/washing in” 6. Eat all the biscuits

“No no, you keep in the middle of the path, it makes more sense that I fold myself into this hedge”

Two-word love stories: Cancelled plans Apple crumble Half day Chocolate orange Empty carriage Staying in Free bar Golden retriever Jacket potato Beer garden New socks Early night Cheese board Bank holiday Pancake day Lie in Home time Ice lolly Large chips Water slide Hot tea

A quick British translation guide: Meanings of "we'll see" 1. No Meanings of "maybe" 1. No Meanings of “could do” 1. No Meanings of “I’ll think about it” 1. No Meanings of “let’s talk about it later” 1. No Meanings of “I’ll see how I feel” 1. No

“Did the clocks go forwards or backwards?” “I don’t think it really matters anymore”

The year of January is nearly over

“Oh dear, two people walking towards me on the pavement, surely they’ll go single file and we can all... Nope, off into the busy road I go!”

Sorry I missed your call, I did it on purpose