whenever someone shows an interest in me, it's like... ok literally what do you want?

the main quality i look for in a man is: do you understand the nearly untillegible memes i send because your brain is as broken by the internet as mine?

too late for a nap but too early for bed so i guess it’s time to stare blankly at nothing

when a guy is hot it’s like ok this is an attack on me personally

oh like we’re FUCKED fucked

no offense to archaeologists but it's right there

if new york is a ghost town, then why am i still pissed at millions of people every single time i leave my apartment

DO NOT TRY: if you say “easttown” in the mirror three times in a row, mare will show up behind you and solve a crime while vaping

“remember girls we practiced for this” - me to the antibodies inside of me every time i go out in public

some of you celebrate fat tuesday once a year but those of us who are STRONG celebrate every single day