Matt Bellassai

Matt Bellassai

Internet drunk. Writer. Actual People's Choice Award Winner. I write about boys & butts & Beyoncé. Formerly BuzzFeed. Now ~solo~

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seeing a lot of people still struggling with not touching their face, especially in the outside world, so here’s a helpful trick i use: - just don’t

everyone with taste knows “levitating” is the best song on dula peep’s new album and i simply will not hear otherwise

the silver lining of developing a crush during quarantine is that eventually they’ll post something embarrassingly boner-squashing out of boredom and the crush will solve itself

funny how last year the defense department admitted there are UFOs and now we have a conveniently distracting pandemic 🗣 WAKE UP SHEEPLE THERE’S A COLONIAL WOMAN ON THE WING

please know that i won’t have the energy to fake compliment your quarantine DIY haircut

“im so sorry baby im so sorry just close your mouth it’ll be over soon” - me to my phone while i wipe it down with destructive disinfectants

my family knows JUST how to unnecessarily twist the knife LOOK AT THIS SHIT

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*closing the shades after keeping them open for a full hour* that’s enough outside for today

not to brag but today i dumped a buncha stuff in a crockpot and pressed on

just finished a full 7-season rewatch of 30 Rock so yes I’m re-starting a full 7-season rewatch of 30 Rock


transgender people show more courage when they leave their fucking houses in the morning than donald trump has shown his entire life

@KimKardashian girl what do you have on trump do him next

whoever invented the “skip intro” button at netflix deserves the highest accolade we as a society can bestow upon a citizen and it still wouldn’t be enough

protect harry styles from the coronavirus at all costs

it took us 241 years, but america has finally infiltrated the british monarchy and phase 2 of the revolutionary war can begin

happy father’s day to harry styles only

happy 26th birthday to harry styles only

yas honey the roaring twenties are BACK. the stock market? CRASHING. global pandemic? SPREADING. my speakeasy? THRIVING. my asscheeks? FLAPPING.