Matt Bellassai

Matt Bellassai


Internet drunk. Writer. Actual People's Choice Award Winner. I write about boys & butts & Beyoncé. Formerly BuzzFeed. Now ~solo~ mattbellassai@gmail.com

373315 followers  •  646 follow  •  Eastern Time (US & Canada)  •   http://facebook.com/mattbellassai

splits update: yoga block achievement unlocked, taint remains intact

mask on ass up that’s the way i like to... prevent the spread of a wildly contagious and fatal pathogen

guys on dating apps who reply with two word answers and no follow up questions

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“what are you doing for the holiday weekend?”

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tinder: oops! you missed a match me:

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i finished the sunday crossword in 17 minutes 31 seconds and it wouldn’t be an accomplishment unless i bragged about it so please clap

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am i genius? i really can’t say. but yes.

love when a recipe is like “chop the onion” like i’m just supposed to know how to do that????

when a recipe says “serves six” that is a challenge to me personally

there’s no IKEA in scranton you dumb bitch!!!!

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transgender people show more courage when they leave their fucking houses in the morning than donald trump has shown his entire life

been making coffee at home instead of getting starbucks for two months which according to economists should’ve made me a billionaire by now so what is happening

@KimKardashian girl what do you have on trump do him next

whoever invented the “skip intro” button at netflix deserves the highest accolade we as a society can bestow upon a citizen and it still wouldn’t be enough

it took us 241 years, but america has finally infiltrated the british monarchy and phase 2 of the revolutionary war can begin

happy father’s day to harry styles only

protect harry styles from the coronavirus at all costs

happy 26th birthday to harry styles only

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