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161,493 followers   •   4,692 following   •   NYC in Body/ Alabama in Spirit   •   http://www.roywoodjr.com
I do comedy on a stage, sometimes on @TheDailyShow. Proud FAMU grad reppin the 205. I might not be shit to you but my mama thinks I made it. #Cubs #Dolphins

Latest Scoops

“Got money to make, blow out the candles and cut up the cake..”
Icing the kicker is still some lame ass shit.
If you spell ‘Blends’ with a Z, you supposed to give haircuts, not coffee.
Your funeral gonna have Spotify Ads playing during the burial
Make sure they play ‘Freebird’ and ‘Still Fly’ at my funeral. In that order.
Theres a certain peace of mind going from being frantically late for your first flight to suddenly being at the airport 5 hours early for you next flight. See you this weekend Vancouver, eventually. @YukYuksVan
Egg Nog Twitter just chilling, minding our business then here you come out of nowhere... https://t.c
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Me after going up two flights of stairs
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And that’s why Master Splinter disowned his ass
Yup. He’s got Jerry’s ears. He da pappy https://t.co/tvY
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