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118,533 followers   •   4,592 following   •   NYC in Body/ Alabama in Spirit   •   http://www.roywoodjr.com
I do comedy on a stage, sometimes on @TheDailyShow. Proud FAMU grad reppin the 205. I might not be shit to you but my mama thinks I made it. #Cubs #Dolphins

Latest Scoops

Anyone else still have ski gear in their closet from a black ski weekend you shouldn’t have gone on 7 yrs ago?
Meet the love of your life on https://t.co/X4ta7HOGkD (IG Stories: @roywoodjr)
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We’re back tonight. New ep of CP Time. Sam Jax mug #3 @TheDailyShow. 📷:@ruminasean
Just once I'd love to have an R-rated Jurassic Park movie so we can really see what them dinosaurs can do.
Theatre packed all weekend but they only sold $23 in concessions something ain’t add up
Catch me on @DetourTBS tonight 10:30/9:30c on @TBSNetwork. Meal prep time. #TheDetour
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RT if you took your Black Panther outfit back to the store talkin bout “I didn’t like the way it fit”
As the Black Panther greeting becomes more popular I’d like to go ahead and file Appropriation Exemption Paperwork on behalf of Xavier Univ. When you see their fans making the X, trust that they've been doing this for years, and have no desires to claim Wakanda.
An actual cruise ship where strangers can legally fight each other would LEGIT make money. Would also make for a good Jason Statham Movie. 'Fight Boat 2: More Fight'

The official, “I’m Tired but also, You Ain’t bout to steal my shit” seat position
Total(1) => 0.070698976516724 f_f_QM(2) => 0.063731670379639 indS(2) => 0.037558078765869 indM(2) => 0.023758888244629 indM_1(2) => 0.0037369728088379 indM_2(2) => 0.0019240379333496 indM_4(2) => 0.0061960220336914 indM_5(2) => 0.0064940452575684 indM_6(2) => 0.0014872550964355 indM_7(2) => 0.0021820068359375 indM_8(2) => 0.0012028217315674 f_f_pTL(2) => 0.0051429271697998 f_f_dT(20) => 0.0048837661743164