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147,131 followers   •   4,632 following   •   NYC in Body/ Alabama in Spirit   •   http://www.roywoodjr.com
I do comedy on a stage, sometimes on @TheDailyShow. Proud FAMU grad reppin the 205. I might not be shit to you but my mama thinks I made it. #Cubs #Dolphins

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Name a restaurant you’d wait this long for a table. They hit me back after 2.5 hrs like I wasn’t already at the crib 😂 😂
When the waitress come to take your order but ya'll aint done arguing.
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but to be fair.if I had to walk around an island in a dress shirt and suspenders. I'd be a hater too. It's too hot for that shit.
@AfricanaCarr @APQOTD @FAMU_1887 HA HA!! I tried REPEATEDLY to stump you. and you too sharp. too strong. I miss starting my mornings off with you setting fools straight on @rolandsmartin brother.
Ya'll tip on carryout orders?
what if she got dirty carpet tho?
Sacramento!!! See you this Week at The @PunchLineSac
When ya step daddy gotta come check ya real daddy.
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Moments in Mediocrity: Ep1
Why baseball players should work harder to not play well.
Add me on Ense!!
https://t.co/k75UjKfcXf
Me, shaming people who ain’t seen @BlackkKlansman yet.
Total(1) => 0.076571941375732 f_f_QM(2) => 0.069392919540405 indS(2) => 0.048036813735962 indM(2) => 0.019680976867676 indM_1(2) => 0.0024940967559814 indM_2(2) => 0.00079584121704102 indM_4(2) => 0.0035502910614014 indM_5(2) => 0.0040469169616699 indM_6(2) => 0.0029351711273193 indM_7(2) => 0.0044689178466797 indM_8(2) => 0.00094199180603027 f_f_pTL(2) => 0.0055899620056152 f_f_dT(20) => 0.0053210258483887