Alexandra Petri

Alexandra Petri

Blogs & columns for @WashingtonPost. No pun is beneath me.

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beginning to sense I should not have knocked back three cups of coffee

too bad everything is typed out these days and you can’t slide in a homophone or I bet it would be possible to convince the president that ‘vote by male’ was good

why, vote by male was the only thing this country had for centuries!!!!

there are many things wrong with the cupcake voting analogy but also people ought to be getting Baked & Wired cupcakes not Georgetown cupcake which is fine but not transcendent

and now, the moment we have all been waiting f-o-r

the real takeaway from this is that Dr. Bailly continues to be a rockstar and and Vanya is a legend of our time

Broadly speaking, the fact that people are allowed to say that bad things about the president are “true” and that good things about him are “false” is a sign of the notable bias that so needs correction.


finally the whole country will watch as a woman stands politely listening to a loud man's bad ideas about the field she spent her life in

goodnight Obama goodnight moon goodnight legally unrestricted womb

Why Didn’t Judge Use A Nicer Tone When Sentencing That Man Who Was Just Convicted Of Molesting More Than 140 Children, Concerned Internet Gentleman Wants To Know

does Donald Trump genuinely think he is supposed to eliminate someone each week

skirts at Fox News today will be lowered to half-mast

of course lack of compromise caused the civil war! if iron man had just— oh the actual civil war? no that was definitely because of slavery

please some foreign leader or spouse buy a novelty arm for the Trump Handshake so when he yanks it just comes off

honestly the Star Wars saga is just the story of three generations of people bullying c3po

so if i am understanding correctly, a fair process should happen neither in public nor behind closed doors, not with witnesses nor without witnesses, quickly but in due time, neither by day nor by night

horror movie where millennials manage to buy a house but it’s haunted by the ghosts of all the things millennials have killed “what was that?” “oh my god Jessica it’s GOLF”