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I love Twitter because everyone's always polite and no one ever takes anything you say literally, never.
This is my column on the wonderful imagination of Mr Cummings
My column is here, sunny and full of virus-related jollity as ever
Here’s my Boris, don’t suppose it’s the only one
Here's another chance to look at my column on why we're going back to work - though you won't have time to read it as you're back at work
The Telegraph is doing an exposè on me apparently, I’ve got a guinea-pig cage that, if it was made of gold and was lived in by guinea-pigs that spoke French and Banksy did a drawing on it, would be worth 11 million pounds.
It’s my column, and at last it seems we can be nasty to nurses again, as long as they’re foreign
I'm on Have I Got News For You later, if you fancy seeing a corner of my house.
There was an old bloke outside the house, so I stole his wallet and gave it to my son. Yes, if you want to score a cheap point it was ‘against the rules’ but caring for your child is NOT A CRIME.
My turn - I went to a barbecue on the beach with 30 mates, to see if my toothache had got better so I could look after my goldfish.