don’t push your granny whilst she’s shaving

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Was having an awful day. Then I remember chocolate covered pretzels exist

COVID PARK WORKOUT. Stay fit. Stay sane AU 💙🏆

The website should be done Friday

I don’t rap much these days. Unless the beat is tough. And it’s a favour for a good mate So here it is: ‘REDDIES’ - the new single from @snowydanger  feat me @ScottyStacks  & Tee@splurgeboys  - OUT NOW -

Best line in the whole song is the “if my missus is a beeema... your missus must be a 1 litre” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

COVID FILM CLUB: Two films that received awful reviews from critics that actually have their merits ...

‘Doolittle’ - animation is world class. Story is overblown but easy for kids to follow. It has some hilarious moments. Perfect family film. Just Downey Jnr’s accent that’s a bit suspect (like a drunk Tom Jones?)

‘Bloodshot’ - compared to MCU it fails miserably. BUT as its own thing. A brainless action film that’s at least worth one viewing for its sheer bold silliness - a bit like the latter career Arnie stuff with Fast & Furious production values

I haven’t heard these for years. Some gold on there to be fair ... 😉☺️


Fuck me Dave just delivered the most important performance in the entire history of the Brits. Gobsmacked 😱

Dear Cher Lloyd fans, yes Cher Lloyd has 200,000 more followers than me but 300,000 of them are her cousins

Try singing this to the tune of Skyfall: Do you want trifle? Or apple crumble? Piece of mangooooooo? Or taste them all - together?

My whole timeline is on about Xfactor. Don't you idiots realise Jamie's 30 Minute Meals is on!!!?? It's a meal - IN 30 MINUTES. FUCK

Suggested New Years Resolutions: - use en route NOT on route - use ESpresso NOT EXpresso - use they’re (they are) NOT there - use specific NOT pacific (that’s an ocean) 2019 will be a happier place for everyone I promise xx

OMG who's excited about Breaking Dawn Part 2 !!!??? I'm not

This may be controversial but... ‘Tangled’ is much better film than ‘Frozen’ ???‍♂️

Why is everyone stocking up on dried pasta but not on Dolmio/Ragu ?? Don’t invite me round for dinner if you’re serving plain COVID pasta

English people staying up to watch the Super Bowl. None of ya talk about American Football all year and suddenly you're all fans!? Fuckoff