Chelsea Peretti

Chelsea Peretti


One of the Greats. Brooklyn Nine Nine. Hour stand-up special on Netflix. Podcast on itunes. CAPS AREN'T YELLING THEY R ACTION MOVIE LEVEL INTENSITY TWEETING.

1354625 followers  •  1718 follow  •  Pacific Time (US & Canada)  •   http://www.chelseaperetti.com

canele was the only good breakfast place atwater ever had and the surrounding greater area 😢 i miss it and my heart cant take it

✨NEW POD IS UP ✨ 40 mins - who needs two hours its lunacy

damn i just clicked click bait and was scrolling for 10 hrs to see a pic of an animal rescued from an iceberg then clicked an ad on accident and then left

HERES SOME GOOD SHIT FOR THE ENVIRONMENT NO COMPANY SHOULD EVER SEND ANY CATALOGUES WHATSOEVER 🌲

kickin off the holidays by telling my mother in law my new mammogram joke

when people post formal placesetting pics for thanksgivng r they thinkin that looks fun

cruel ❤️ enjoy your babies, beautiful

why do kids always shout they want to see an old show when u show them a new show its like expand ur horizons brother

i dont want to get plastic shit or toys w batteries for xmas

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Vote like a bunch of school children were shot and a bunch of other children were put into camps indefinitely bc they werent white and like a journalist was murdered and like you are being lied to daily by rich liars who harass / assault women & wont renounce white supremacy

I can’t get over the concept that women birthed every man. So every misogynist was brought into the world from the labor of a woman. The hate really is mind blowing

WHY DOES EVERY ONLINE RECIPE BEGIN WITH A 40 PAGE ESSAY ABOUT SOMEONES HUSBAND DOG AND KIDS AND A BRISK WALK THEY TOOK IN THE FALL AND HOW THEY LOVE THE CHANGING OF THE LEAVES AND THEIR DOGS FAVORITE TREAT. GIMME THE RECIPE HON MY SCROLL FINGER HURTS

re self hate: theres better people to hate

PRO LIFE PEOPLE SHOULD BE OUT IN BIG NUMBERS AND VERY VOCAL AGAINST TREATMENT OF CHILDREN BEING KEPT IN DEADLY SQUALOR BY OUR GOVT

HAHA ANDRE IS A VERY SPECIAL SPIRIT AND OBVIOUS NATIONAL TREASURE W MOIST HANDS

B99 fans. Hiiiiiiiiiiii. Chelsea Peretti, here. I won't be doing a full season of Brooklyn Nine Nine in Season 6. But that doesn’t mean I won’t ever be back, winky face emoji, heart emoji. I want to thank you for the hours you spent watching Gina be Gina:

smile at people, wave thanks to cars, say something nice, be generous with whatever you can - make a daily effort to plant seeds of positivity and also to plant literal trees bc DEATH LOOMS

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