Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler

Tickets on sale for my Vaccinated And Horny stand-up tour | Dear Chelsea Podcast Season 2 out now | Stream my stand-up special “Evolution” on @hbomax?

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Nothing says I love my supporters— like driving through your own rally on your way to play golf.

BREAKING: Members of Congress who spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on living expenses a year are confused why the American people can’t live off of $600. Story developing.

I’ve become attracted to Liz Cheney. Morals are sexy.

It’s amazing that @piersmorgan  calls himself a journalist when time and time again, he seems to have missed the women’s movement. Or any movement really. Another day, another racist old white man using his privilege to throw tantrums on TV.

It must be nice that Piers Morgan gets to leave a situation when he feels uncomfortable but criticizes a black woman when she does the same. Qwhite interesting.

The virus is returning to its original host.

The man who lost the election and the state of Georgia as well as its two senate seats, is who is in charge of the Republican Party. These idiots are still paying him to rip them off. The level of stupidity is astounding.

Bob Saget was the kindest, warmest male comic there was. I loved it whenever I saw him, or heard from him. He was the guy that everyone loved. Love you, Bob Saget. You will be missed and loved for a long time.

Do you believe people should stay in their lanes? @KristenBell  and I discuss on this week’s episode of Dear Chelsea#ProblemSolved 


Hey dumbass, global warming doesn’t only mean extreme heat; it means extreme weather. Hot and cold. Maybe buy a thermometer and shove it up your ass.

Trump says his daughter has been treated ‘so unfairly’ by Nordstrom. Oh, was she detained for 19 hours when she tried to enter the store?

Imagine being incarcerated for a marijuana-related offense and then seeing it deemed “essential business”.

If you want your beans without a side of racism, try other brands. I am.

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An American astronaut voted from space. So if you’re currently on the planet, you have no excuse.

The ACLU has received over $24M in donations. That’s $1 for everyone who attended Trump’s inauguration. & then 23.7 million more dollars.

Mental health issues. You know who is going to have mental health issues? Every person who witnesses a massacre and relentless gunfire. Every child who sees other children murdered in a fucking classroom. Every teacher. Every parent. #GunReformNow 

I know everyone is upset about the Starbucks cup and the water bottle in Game of Thrones, but they’re taking away women’s rights in Alabama. #seriously 

Students are being suspended for taking pictures of schools that aren’t following coronavirus safety protocols. Hopefully they don’t stop until every student is suspended and safe at home.