“We’re in this together” is the new “Thank you for your service” – just something to say to the people doing the dirty work so we can feel better about not doing it ourselves. #CovidEconomy  #SideHustle 

When @TheDemocrats  are in power, @CPAC  blames everything on the government. When Republicans are in power, they blame the deep state. When they're really out of power, they blame windmills.

Memo to social Justice warriors: when what you're doing sounds like an Onion headline, stop. #CancelCultureIsOverParty 

It's time to raise awareness about a very serious problem: raising awareness. We raise too much of it. Must we be sad about everything all the time?

Nothing ever moves in this impacted colon of a country. We see a problem and we ignore it, lie about it, fight about it. When China sees a problem, they fix it. They build a dam, we debate what to rename it. #SpoilerAlert  #WeLost 

White House staffers have been suspended or asked to resign over past marijuana use. Trump was crushing Sudafeds with a bust of Churchill and snorting it off the Resolute desk, and we're worried about some weed?

American kids now have a totally deluded and unearned belief in their charm, brains, and talent. It's not only that the entire generation wants to be famous, it's that they think not being famous isn't fair. #EqualityofOutcomes 

So much of the rot in our society stems from our modern-day version of Prohibition. The people fleeing at the border? That's the Drug War.

Matt Gaetz was allegedly giving ecstasy to women, and Republican ecstasy is a little different though. It makes you stay up all night hugging the flag and screwing poor people.

I don't have to leave the theater whistling, but would it kill Hollywood to once in a while make a movie that doesn't make me want to take a bath with the toaster? We all had a rough year, a little escapism would have been appreciated. #Oscars21  #OscarNoms