The Onion

The Onion


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Hundreds Of Companies Voice Opposition To GOP Voting Limits On Memo Line Of Donation Checks

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What should you do if your dog urinates indoors?

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New Edition Of Emily Post’s Etiquette Book To Include Chapter Demonstrating Proper Way To Lick Maple Syrup Off Plate

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Bernie Madoff Assigned To Cushy Circle Of Hell For White-Collar Sinners

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Report: San Diegans Just Assumed Padres Were In Los Angeles Now Too

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Toddler Feels Somewhat Torn About Pretending To Be Policeman In Current Climate

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Officer Points To Unarmed White Man He Once Killed To Prove He’s Not Racist

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Tucker Carlson Insists Every White Supremacist In America Could Fit In Stadium But That Tickets To TuckerCon Won’t Last

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Gluten-Free Pancake Mix Just A Bag Of Sand

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Russian Diplomats Given 30 Days To Complete Espionage Before Being Expelled

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

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Sympathetic Police Know What It’s Like To Have A Bad Day And Kill 8 People

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Popular New Amazon Service Just Comes To Your House And Kills You

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Protestors Criticized For Looting Businesses Without Forming Private Equity Firm First

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