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382,767 followers   •   618 following   •   New York City   •   http://facebook.com/mattb

Internet drunk. Writer. Actual People's Choice Award Winner. I write about boys & butts & Beyoncé. Formerly BuzzFeed. Now ~solo~ mattbellassai@gmail.com

Latest Scoops

Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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its my favorite kind of day to sit inside and eat an entire seedless watermelon by myself
it’s my favorite kind of day to sit inside and eat an entire seedless watermelon by myself
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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me if he messages first and we never meet
me if he messages first and we never meet
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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excited to announce work on my 2022 summer body has officially begun
excited to announce work on my 2022 summer body has officially begun
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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me the shake shack burger and milkshake i had for lunch getting ready to fuck me up from the inside
me:

the shake shack burger and milkshake i had for lunch getting ready to fuck me up from the inside:
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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did the youtube beauty vlogger drama come up during my therapy session this week for some reason yes
did the youtube beauty vlogger drama come up during my therapy session this week?

for some reason........,,,, yes
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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youre gonna have to specify which part youre confused by
you’re gonna have to specify which part you’re confused by
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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i was today years old when i realized guys use socks to masturbate because they put their dicks inside the soc
i was today years old when i realized guys use socks to masturbate because they put their dicks INSIDE the sock like a cotton butthole

this whole time I thought guys were jizzing ONTO socks and I thought “what a waste”

never occured to me to ENTER the sock

anyways yes im drunk
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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stop putting insta story polls on the part of the screen where i tap anyway accidentally clicked yes on a pol
🗣 stop putting insta story polls on the part of the screen where i tap anyway!!!!!

accidentally clicked “yes” on a poll by a hot guy asking if i was ready to “get shredded for the summer” and now im afraid of what he’ll do to me
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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if i become a beauty guru can we start a public feud and destroy each other
if i become a beauty guru, can we start a public feud and destroy each other
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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remember how there was a whole thing about how podrick has a really big dick and they just never brought it up
remember how there was a whole thing about how podrick has a really big dick and they just never brought it up again even though presumably it stayed big as fuck

The Most Relevant

Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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transgender people show more courage when they leave their fucking houses in the morning than donald trump has
transgender people show more courage when they leave their fucking houses in the morning than donald trump has shown his entire life
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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kimkardashian girl what do you have on trump do him next
@KimKardashian girl what do you have on trump do him next
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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whoever invented the skip intro button at netflix deserves the highest accolade we as a society can bestow upo
whoever invented the “skip intro” button at netflix deserves the highest accolade we as a society can bestow upon a citizen and it still wouldn’t be enough
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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it took us 241 years but america has finally infiltrated the british monarchy and phase 2 of the revolutionary
it took us 241 years, but america has finally infiltrated the british monarchy and phase 2 of the revolutionary war can begin
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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happy fathers day to harry styles only
happy father’s day to harry styles only
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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happy met gala day to harry styles only
happy met gala day to harry styles only
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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happy valentines day to harry styles only
happy valentines day to harry styles only
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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merry christmas to harry styles only
merry christmas to harry styles only
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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i cant believe kimkardashian just won the pulitzer prize for investigative journalism
i cant believe @KimKardashian just won the pulitzer prize for investigative journalism
Matt Bellassai
MattBellassai
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merry christmas to harry styles only
merry christmas to harry styles only
Total(1) => 0.29626679420471 f_f_QM(2) => 0.11387014389038 indS(2) => 0.043370962142944 indM(2) => 0.065521001815796 indM_1(2) => 0.0081930160522461 indM_2(2) => 0.00094509124755859 indM_4(2) => 0.0053389072418213 indM_5(2) => 0.0066509246826172 indM_6(2) => 0.0037467479705811 indM_7(2) => 0.021543979644775 indM_8(2) => 0.0012249946594238 indM_9(2) => 0.0092349052429199 indM_10(2) => 0.008296012878418 f_f_pTL(2) => 0.17974805831909 f_f_dT(20) => 0.17948579788208