Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan

Male Model. Long snapper. My first wife is @jeanniegaffigan. NOBLE APE available to rent/buy NOW. All new material in QUALITY TIME TOUR.

3228596 followers  •  2801 follow  •    •   https://t.co/cp02zQzqdN

Oh Canada. Want more? Watch my top 5 most viral stand-up jokes from Pale Tourist:

Nothing says “democracy” like protecting a narcissistic tyrant because if you don’t, his supporters will break in your house and beat you & your family to death.

Am I really part polar bear? It was a pleasure to uncover the secrets of my family tree on #FindingYourRoots ! I will always treasure this experience. @HenryLouisGates  and I will be on your local @PBS  station tonight at 8|7c!

How do you watch TV and Not eat?

Happy #EarthDay ! Here's my good friend Heath to let you all know how you too can do your part. You can watch the full episode here:

Sticking with a system absolutely no one else uses is about as American as it gets. Get more:

Happy #FourthofJuly  ! Let's eat and blow stuff up Keep watching:

My kids either mumble or talk like they on a helicopter.

Due to demand, five new shows on The Fun Tour have been added! Pre-sale starts now, code: FUN. Hope to see you there! Get your tickets at .

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Can you imagine if a President bizarrely claimed a highly contagious virus would “just disappear” like 30 times over 6 months and then the virus DIDN’T just disappear? Nobody in their right mind would vote to re-elect that level of incompetence.

I dont give a fuck if anyone thinks this is virtue signaling or whatever. We need to wake up. We need to call trump the con man and thief that he is.

to those of you who think Im destroying my career wake up. if trump gets elected, the economy will never come back.

You know Trump just creates enemies. You know you can't trust him. You know he been incompetent during this crisis. You know all those people didn't need to die. Trump talks about the Space Program and you can't safely go to a movie. Wake up

Expecting equal justice and being against police brutality is NOT “being political”. It’s called basic empathy. I’m sorry if my opinions on these things are “too radical” for a couple of you. Go in peace. Also Trump is a monster!

Look Trumpers I get it. As a kid I was a cubs fan and I know you stick by your team no matter what but he's a traitor and a con man who doesn't care about you. Deep down you know it. I'm sure you enjoy pissing people off but you know Trump is a liar and a criminal.

I know you hate snobs and elites I get it but look at Ivana and that douche bag Jerod. Think they are on your side? Do you think they've ever done a real days work in their lives. Wake up