Dan Amira

Dan Amira

Head writer, Daily Show. RT = Randy Travis. All opinions expressed here reflect the views of Randy Travis. iamdanamira@gmail.com

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How many people will resign/be fired from the military for the drone strike that killed 7 kids?

Almost that time of year where I wear a mask not because I have to but because it’s cozy

Is there any actual reason this vote has to be tonight

Cxn’t stxp wxn’t stxp

The good thing about America having a Civil War is that when it’s over all of our divisions will be healed once and for all

Me: Me: Me: My brain: old navy, old navy, old navy performance fleece

Please sub in some fresher legs for 2OT. Can’t watch another 5 mins of lazy threes

Knicks win a thrilling season opener and all it took was Jayson Tatum getting body snatched before the game


Weird that Dr. Fauci has worked under 6 presidents and has never needed a security detail before

Can’t believe the creators of the monster have lost control of the monster, is there any precedent for this in books or film

REAL men don’t need a MASK when we go to the store because we’re not SCARED. All we need is an ASSAULT RIFLE and maybe a ROCKET LAUNCHER in case the YOGURT tries anything STUPID

Canada signed the wrong line on the Japanese WWII surrender document and now it looks like shit, thanks Canada

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RESEARCHER: In front of you is one marshmallow. But if you can wait 15 minutes, I'll give you-- TRUMP: (eats marshmallow and researcher)

The governor of Florida left his beaches open for spring break, against the advice of everyone, and now he's blaming his state's coronavirus outbreak on (spins wheel) New York

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Save this tweet: Trump will come out within the next 48 hours and play the hero by calling for Stars and Stripes to be saved, while tweeting something like “Nobody supports our troops more than Trump!”

?Attention procrastinators? If you’re not registered to vote, you can do it ON Election Day in: California Colorado Connecticut D.C. Hawaii Idaho Illinois Iowa Maine Maryland Michigan Minnesota Montana Nevada New Hampshire R.I. Utah Vermont Washington Wisconsin Wyoming

Sucks that Joe Rogan has been canceled. Will be interesting to hear what he says about it to his 11 million listeners the next time he hosts the world’s most popular podcast