Dan Amira

Dan Amira


Head writer, Daily Show. RT = Randy Travis. All opinions expressed here reflect the views of Randy Travis. iamdanamira@gmail.com

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The actual explanation is way dumber than I expected. It “violates the spirit of sport” has to be the vaguest, most subjective criteria imaginable. And why does it matter if weed is “frequently used in society outside the context of sport”? So is mouthwash.

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My daughter before and after eating half a pouch of applesauce

Top 3 “smart” products that should exist but don’t: — diapers that text you when your baby poops — a toaster that screams when the toast is done — a toothbrush that calls 911 because it heard the toaster screaming

Compared to Cincinnati, where Vance lives, NYC is season one of Sesame Street

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It might destroy America but at least this one guy is having a good time

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He’s right though, it’s nice being the senior liberal on the court. The previous one liked it too.

NBA Finals, baby! I love watching the world’s best athletes run full speed into each other and then take foul shots!

If you told me an NBA team had Durant, Lavine, Tatum, Lillard, Adebayo, Holiday, Middleton, Booker, Green, etc, I’d say that team might not lose a game all season. Yet they can’t beat a French team with one NBA All-Star on it. Sports are weird.

MAGA world: Please read my op-ed on why I decided to take the Trump’s Giant Penis Covid Vaccine, which was developed in 2020 exclusively by President Trump’s massive schlong

Gonna preface this with the fact that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, but…these are the best skateboarders…in the world? They’re falling down like half the time and I don’t think the American has landed a single attempt

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Weird that Dr. Fauci has worked under 6 presidents and has never needed a security detail before

Can’t believe the creators of the monster have lost control of the monster, is there any precedent for this in books or film

REAL men don’t need a MASK when we go to the store because we’re not SCARED. All we need is an ASSAULT RIFLE and maybe a ROCKET LAUNCHER in case the YOGURT tries anything STUPID

Canada signed the wrong line on the Japanese WWII surrender document and now it looks like shit, thanks Canada

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RESEARCHER: In front of you is one marshmallow. But if you can wait 15 minutes, I'll give you-- TRUMP: (eats marshmallow and researcher)

The governor of Florida left his beaches open for spring break, against the advice of everyone, and now he's blaming his state's coronavirus outbreak on (spins wheel) New York

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Save this tweet: Trump will come out within the next 48 hours and play the hero by calling for Stars and Stripes to be saved, while tweeting something like “Nobody supports our troops more than Trump!”

?Attention procrastinators? If you’re not registered to vote, you can do it ON Election Day in: California Colorado Connecticut D.C. Hawaii Idaho Illinois Iowa Maine Maryland Michigan Minnesota Montana Nevada New Hampshire R.I. Utah Vermont Washington Wisconsin Wyoming

For fuck's sake look at where some of these guesses are

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Not saying this election is over but Loeffler and Perdue have already sold off all their Loeffler and Perdue stock

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