Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien

The voice of the people. Sorry, people.

28621012 followers  •  1 follow  •  Alaska  •

I’m puzzled why President Trump hasn’t called the new strain of Covid “The British Virus.”

If we could see the world through the eyes of a child, we’d see so many more doorknobs.

Gaydar, but for tracking ships at sea and objects in the air.

Hey Pixar— Don’t know if you’ve paid attention for the past year, but I don’t need another reason to cry.

My New Year’s Resolution is to drink more, put on weight and use more reverse psychology.

Now Trump is asking Georgia to find a 7th season of Schitt's Creek.

Excited for Fashion Week 2021, I can’t wait to see what this year’s cardboard cutouts will be wearing.

Now what am I supposed to do with my 89 million Parler followers?

Samantha won’t return to Sex and the City because the character is now a QAnon Congresswoman from Florida.

I didn't want to use the word "Orwellian" in a tweet until I was confident that I could use it properly, so here goes: Orwellian would be a cool name for a horse.


President Trump didn’t pardon the whole turkey, just the white meat.

I'm ready for the all-female reboot of America.

I can’t remember the last time I was this shocked by an NBC programming decision.

God is looking down on humans right now thinking, “Damn. Maybe I should try dinosaurs again?”

Can we all agree to temporarily raise the bar for what’s considered an “alcoholic?”

Trump is already tweeting that Black Friday is the most ungrateful of all the Fridays.

Look, I’m not perfect but at least my obituary won’t say, “and in 2019, he defunded the Special Olympics.”

Trump says Jesus could have avoided crucifixion by taking hydroxychloroquine.