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I'm running some #NBA2K20  right now. The Glass Cleaner is looking pretty good...

“People used to say, ‘If so-and-so becomes president, I’m moving to Canada.’ Well, no one did.” That may be changing.

I’m A Celeb star Caitlyn Jenner gets hero’s welcome at hotel after leaving jungle alone

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I feel like I'm doing it a disservice by calling Joe Pera Talks With You my favorite plane show, but I'm really scared to fly and it's so soothing and funny that I forget to be scared every time. It's back tonight on @adultswim  so I'm booking a flight now!

If you've never written a book before and you want to know how then go to my LIKES page Scroll down to March 25, 2019. I show you how from start to finish in 13 steps. I wrote 19 books in four years and I'm going to show you how to do the same right here live on Twitter.

It’s Friday night and I’m enjoying some great football but I have not checked my mile off for today. Off to the treadmill I go. No excuses! No missed days! #EveryDayCounts 

How did I miss out on this place? I’m eying Galaga.

In Germany.... I’m hungry.

Have you ever thought while driving, “I’m only going a few miles over the speed limit. I’m not going to get a ticket?" That might have been the case in the past, but UHP troopers are not going to be so lenient anymore.

Murder suspect said he stole jewelry from victims ‘cause I’m greedy’


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I’ll never forget today. Tonight, I’m the happiest man in the world. It’s all thanks to you, ARMY. London! Wembley! LOVE U! 🥺💜👏

Thank you for having an amazing time with us even though it was raining. I'm not afraid of the rain any more. Because ARMY, you are my umbrella!!! ARMY, 싸랑해요 🥺💜☂️😌 Thx Chicago!!

This is the Twitter content I’m here for...💪😍😊

We are married!!! I'm the happiest I can be ❤️ I'm so lucky to share my life with this amazing woman.

you know there was no way I’d come all the way to Seoul without seeing these guys. 👼🏼 can’t wait to see them play Staples center!!! I’m HELLA proud. 💗💖💗

I'm 22 years old... I love a girl named Perrie Edwards. And there's a lot of jealous fucks in this world I'm sorry for what it looks like x

I'm pleased to say my baby son was born yesterday :)

ME: Joe, about halfway through the speech, I’m gonna wish you a happy birth-- BIDEN: IT’S MY BIRTHDAY! ME: Joe. Happy birthday to , my brother and the best vice president anybody could have.

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