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Blogs & columns for @WashingtonPost 2014 O. Henry Pun Champion. A FIELD GUIDE TO AWKWARD SILENCES http://amzn.to/1I6WWeX playwright. Star Wars nut. yay Hamlet!

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Alexandra Petri
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why isnt something being done about this
WHY ISN’T SOMETHING BEING DONE ABOUT THIS
Alexandra Petri
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usually when this country sends unwanted bundles of angry wind to dc people only get hurt after they pass legi
@cmclymer @GeneParkusually when this country sends unwanted bundles of angry wind to DC people only get hurt after they pass legislation! but seriously everyone be careful out there!
Alexandra Petri
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update he went into a building before i could muster the nerve to say anything
update: he went into a building before I could muster the nerve to say anything
Alexandra Petri
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i cant tell if this guy is wearing a wonderful starfleet uniform shirt and complimenting him on it will make h
I can’t tell if this guy is wearing a wonderful starfleet uniform shirt and complimenting him on it will make his day or just a normal outfit in which case doing so will alienate him permanently
Alexandra Petri
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the coveted disruptive laugh i am truly honored
the coveted disruptive laugh!!! I am truly honored!
Alexandra Petri
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moby dick would also like to state that what ahab saw as a mutual nemesis relationship was just ahab stalking
moby dick would also like to state that what ahab saw as a mutual nemesis relationship was just ahab stalking him with a boat for years
Alexandra Petri
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this is why i am often to be found squatting outside the office on a warm rock with my laptop like a lizard or
this is why I am often to be found squatting outside the office on a warm rock with my laptop like a lizard or cardassian
Alexandra Petri
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always winter but never infrastructure week
always winter but never infrastructure week
Alexandra Petri
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i didnt think it was possible to find greater presumption than when i auditioned for les mis in high school an
i didn’t think it was possible to find greater presumption than when I auditioned for Les Mis in high school and put a note on my audition form saying Eponine was the only role I would accept AND YET
Alexandra Petri
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The Most Relevant

Alexandra Petri
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finally the whole country will watch as a woman stands politely listening to a loud man s bad ideas about the
finally the whole country will watch as a woman stands politely listening to a loud man's bad ideas about the field she spent her life in
Alexandra Petri
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why didnt judge use a nicer tone when sentencing that man who was just convicted of molesting more than 140 ch
Alexandra Petri
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goodnight obama goodnight moon goodnight legally unrestricted womb
goodnight Obama
goodnight moon
goodnight legally unrestricted womb
Alexandra Petri
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does donald trump genuinely think he is supposed to eliminate someone each week
does Donald Trump genuinely think he is supposed to eliminate someone each week
Alexandra Petri
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skirts at fox news today will be lowered to half mast
skirts at Fox News today will be lowered to half-mast
Alexandra Petri
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honestly the star wars saga is just the story of three generations of people bullying c3po
honestly the Star Wars saga is just the story of three generations of people bullying c3po
Alexandra Petri
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of course lack of compromise caused the civil war if iron man had just oh the actual civil war no that was def
of course lack of compromise caused the civil war!
if iron man had just—
oh the actual civil war?
no that was definitely because of slavery
Alexandra Petri
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please some foreign leader or spouse buy a novelty arm for the trump handshake so when he yanks it just comes
please some foreign leader or spouse buy a novelty arm for the Trump Handshake so when he yanks it just comes off
Alexandra Petri
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crucified man had had prior run ins with local authorities
Crucified Man Had Had Prior Run-Ins With Local Authorities
Alexandra Petri
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why doesnt howard schultz just try to go to space like a regular billionaire
why doesn’t Howard Schultz just try to go to space like a regular billionaire
Total(1) => 0.19979906082153 f_f_QM(2) => 0.0010862350463867 f_f_pTL(2) => 0.19702887535095 f_f_dT(20) => 0.19676470756531