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170,268 followers   •   625 following   •   ⬇️really bad tweets⬇️   •   https://twitter.com/NOTVI
me too thanks

Latest Scoops

my shiny teeth and me (trap remix)
no one:

white person who walked by a dog that started sniffing him: haha he probably smells my dog on me
eileen i swear to fucking god if you don't come on
i sold my rice cooker so i could buy my girlfriend juul pods but she sold her juul so she could buy me rice 😔
bowling balls are technically gloves. i will not be reading any replies to this tweet.
if she’s your girl then why did she tell me to please hold while i wait for the next available customer service representative
what wine pairs best with a turkey and cheddar lunchable
i swear 2018 was the longest year ever

• black panther came out
• people ate tide pods
• no one knew what color that dress was
• flappy bird got deleted from the app store
• Y2K
• richard nixon attempted to bug DNC headquarters at the watergate hotel & tried to cover it up
having a hard time getting into the christmas spirit knowing that kony is still out there
me: alright how does this work

her: didn't your parents ever teach you about the birds and the bees

me: [looking genuinely confused] what the fuck are birds
Total(1) => 0.087187051773071 indM_4(2) => 0.0035569667816162 indM_5(2) => 0.0031602382659912 indM_6(2) => 0.001366138458252 indM_7(2) => 0.0033578872680664 indM_8(2) => 0.0012795925140381 indM_9(2) => 0.0085921287536621 indM_10(2) => 0.0081777572631836 f_f_pTL(2) => 0.0019540786743164 f_f_dT(20) => 0.0017514228820801