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Pale, awkward and very very small. Form an orderly queue, gents.

Latest Scoops

Dude. You don’t even know. My jaw is still on the floor of the Staples Center. I bow to you.
That was extraordinary. I feel so grateful to have had a front row seat to witness a woman on her 75th birthday be better at everything than I will ever be. #DianaRoss #GRAMMYs
I told BTS that their fans are very passionate and when they saw I’d be sitting with them, they told me to look out for them. So if they need a snack or whatever, I’m on it. 👍🏻 #GRAMMYs
I was worried that my pain would turn out to be “nothing serious” or something that I should have been able to fight through. I’m so grateful to these women. Even if we only interacted for a moment, know that the attention and kindness you give your patients is so appreciated.🧡
…the young woman whose name started with “L”?? I can’t remember… in fairness, you were one of the people giving me the heavy shit right before I went under… but you laughed at my tired ass “If I die, clear my search history” joke and I appreciate that.
So, I need to give a shout out to the Atlanta doctors and nurses who helped me through my first experience with kidney stones when I was at my most vulnerable and terrified. Especially the truly wonderful ladies: Renee, Sandra, Muriel, Beverly, Ashley, Nina, Callie, and...
I love Maine. I love Mainers. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
Holy shit. I just remembered I was in Twilight.
I am a voter. Are you? Text VOTER to 26797 and make a plan to vote on Tuesday, November 6. @iamavoter

The Most Relevant

Oh God. I just realized I'm stuck with me my whole life.
I didn’t text you back because I couldn’t find the right gif.
Dear Yahoo: how do I get to this timeline where I've slept with Enrique Iqlesias please and thank you.
"Locker room banter" implies "C'mon, this is how men talk about women." Like it's to be expected. That's the grossest part of all.
No. No. Fuck this shit. Carrie Fisher is a fucking legend and this is bullshit.
My online shopping style:

Put everything I like in the cart.


Edit more.

Edit until I’m down to one item.

Decide it’s not even worth typing out my credit card info.

Watch free porn.
For someone with such an intense need to be liked you'd think I would have figured out how to be less of an asshole.
O Captain! My Captain! Rise up and hear the bells. Rise up, for you the flag is flung, for you the bugle trills.
Total(1) => 0.048578977584839 f_f_QM(2) => 0.045776128768921 indS(2) => 0.010325908660889 indM(2) => 0.033496141433716 indM_1(2) => 0.0034029483795166 indM_2(2) => 0.0007631778717041 indM_4(2) => 0.0028493404388428 indM_5(2) => 0.0025691986083984 indM_6(2) => 0.0011742115020752 indM_7(2) => 0.0041661262512207 indM_8(2) => 0.0010991096496582 indM_9(2) => 0.009221076965332 indM_10(2) => 0.0080199241638184 f_f_pTL(2) => 0.0018570423126221 f_f_dT(20) => 0.0017242431640625