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So apparently some famous writer was disgraced this week and a venerable literary organization asked me to fill in for him at a dinner to raise money for imperiled writers around the world.

You won’t believe what ensued.

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BREAKING: An indictment has been handed down against musician R. Kelly by the Cook County State's Attorney office, two sources with knowledge of the development tell CNN https://t.co/4Db1vVQb8B
#BREAKING: New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft to be charged in prostitution ring https://t.co/lwoDrL5DvD
CBS' @RebeccaRKaplan reports House Democrats introduce resolution to block Pres Trump's national emergency to build southern border wall.
JUST IN: R. Kelly charged with aggravated criminal sexual abuse https://t.co/3fJV49MMil
Trump applauded Montana Rep. Greg Gianforte for criminal violence against a journalist. He literally clapped.
Jussie Smollett's character in "Empire" will be removed from the final two episodes of the fifth season. https://t.co/7eQAa8lZnh
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Not saying it was appropriate conduct, but the @amyklobuchar fork story has now received more coverage in less than a day than Donald Trump's mob ties received during the entire 2016 campaign.
🐿️ 37 Scottish red squirrels have been adopted in @BTS_twt star #JHope's name.

Ask the #BTSARMY and they'll get it done! 💜#BTS
👉 https://t.co/LDvwAG4fGt
Former CIA Director John Brennan: "Mr.Trump is a deeply flawed individual, who I think has demonstrated that he is not fit to serve as President of the United States." https://t.co/sj8dBUOCyH
NEW: Senior US Justice Dept. official: Reports that the US attorney general will receive the report from Special Counsel Mueller by the end of next week are incorrect.
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Total(1) => 0.077155113220215 f_f_QM(2) => 0.049113750457764 indS(1) => 0.014112949371338 indM(1) => 0.00030899047851562 f_u_GN(1) => 0.00011801719665527 f_f_dT(11) => 0.001115083694458 f_f_pTL(1) => 0.0011081695556641